When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
