I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
handjob tips. give me some.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
