You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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