PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize