I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
