YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
