just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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