I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
