you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
