she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
