dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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