I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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