What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
