I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
