i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
