I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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