Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
