she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
