whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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