his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my poor anus
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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