Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
