They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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