so let's talk penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
