Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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