his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
