He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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