some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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