Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
