So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize