my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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