just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I enjoy the company of your penis
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
