Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
