I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
