Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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