Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
