oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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