sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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