Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
