fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
