i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
