Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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