I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
