Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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