What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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