I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize