Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
