This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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