i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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