I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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