My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
