I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
