the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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