so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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