You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just high enough for therapy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
