capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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