So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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