So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
