I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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