the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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