you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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