So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
