Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please, let me fuck your mom
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
