I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
