He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
