ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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