She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
