my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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