why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
