he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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