if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
