ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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