So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
