So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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