If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
